freetheverse

I got Soul but I'm not a soldier.
Tengo alma pero no soy soldada.






Things have changed for me
and that's okay
I feel the same, so I say:


Fear is relative.
Fear is pointless.

Fear is negligent and ignorant,
and I strive to fight that type of thang.







Remind me to post the Thursday song, at some point.
or maybe it'd be more accurately called the Thursday Epic.
The Thursday Tale.

I'm not certain yet; but I'll post it nameless.
Today, a lot of familiar faces I haven't seen in ages are showing up at school

and some strange ones I never anticipated and never recognized
more like acquaintances reincarnate:
sisters of friends who may as well be sisters
so a sister by extension,
a sista with extensions.

a sister with connections
to misters with no direction
with brothers, younger ones
suffering from their indolence



Sloth is how we say 'peace' in my town
three fingers up for taking some time.

Sometimes, I wonder about people. Just the whole motive/motivation thing. My brother and his friends and their brothers and their friends and their parents and their cousins and their friends and their parents and their cousins and their friends and their brothers and their parents and their employers and their great great great grandparents. I'm curious, really. I haven't even really been able to think clearly or analytically anymore. I don't quite understand. Ignore any of this that doesn't make sense, because it's sure liable to. I'm kind of sick of it. Byeoh, all. Byeoh.

So,
third time's the charm.
Everyone promises that.

My family's said it of marriage, of children
of tests, cars, fireworks, lighters, mistakes, outfits
haircuts, purchases, adventures

fuck all of it.


It only takes one shot for any other family,
it seems.
a damned name.
an unfortunate one.

Three is God's number, they say
The Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit
I claim, in pertinence to my own life
not to disown a church that I don't even
belong to

The fluke, the feeling and the failing
I'm number four.
sǐ is dangerously close to sì
[the difference between death and a quadrilateral]

Tan peligroso, sí, si no se combate el poder.

Soon, my most illegal past time
will be okay, all hours except between midnight and
five in the morning,
circumstance permitting.

This, my friends, is the end of an era.
Fear no change!
Fear no man!
Fear no fear!

Cavalier, renegade, steer clear-
a tournament, a tournament, a tournament of lies

Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives
and I decline in favor of the option most likely
leading to nuclear war.

Khalizdad '95, kids.

Day 01 - Your best friend
Day 02 - Your crush
Day 03 - Your parents
Day 04 - Your sibling
Day 05 - Your dreams
Day 06 - A stranger
Day 07 - Your ex boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 08 - Your favorite internet friend
Day 09 - Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 - Someone you don’t talk to as often as you’d like
Day 11 - A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 - The person you hate the most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 - Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 - Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 - The person you miss the most
Day 16 - Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 - Someone from your childhood
Day 18 - The person you wish you could be
Day 19 - Someone that pesters your mind - good or bad
Day 20 - Someone that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 - Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 - Someone you want to give a second chance
Day 23 - The last person you kissed
Day 24 - The person who gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 - The person you know is going through the worst of times
Day 26 - The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 - The friendliest person you knew for only a day
Day 28 - Someone that changed your life
Day 29 - The person that you want to tell everything to, but are too afraid
Day 30 - Your reflection in the mirror

I don't belong here, kids.
Today, I was called a coasty: smooth and easy-going, Western at heart.
I can't deny, I'm in love with California

something about the air kills kids in my hometown
maybe it's tense, maybe unintentional
though there's something weird about two kids in two years.


I think I'll run away, today
a casual stroll in the general direction of
away-from-here

you know, I strive to be a Dorothy
"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore"

La Crosse is pretty when it's played
not so much inhabited.

Gotta have swag: get your walk on
gotta have style: get'cho watch on

just call me magical, impractical, insatiable
unstoppable.

How To Eat a Hot Pepper:

Choose your specimen, likely small and bright red : cayenne, they call it.
Next, become bold. Don't think, but examine for a moment.
Bite down, chew quickly or / swallow whole.
Prepare for a burning sensation; it might sting for a while.
Tears will well, do not let them run.
You may sweat, but no job is complete without it.

Drink milk, lots of it.
Builds the bones strong and dulls the ache,my dear.

Pals told me the first step:

Just gotta breathe, just gotta be
I laughed; seemed a bit senseless

I later learned that truth thing:
gotta be dumb enough to lose
at least the first time, kids.

Everything gets better with practice, now
everything advances with age until disintegration.

That left me confused as hell
nothing unusual there, to be honest
but you can never over think

well, yes you can: waiting kills.

           I wanna drive
                abuse my brain
                dancedancedance
                    on rooftops, in coffee shops
                    shady clubs & dark parks

wanna run hard through the city in the rain
            screaming public obscenities
        saturated in lust for life & a good time
                drinking up liquid business

        wanna drive all night
    blaring technolectronica, hip-hop, dubstep
        & some old school rock and roll

            Hey sugar, take a walk on the Wild side
                [‘ey mami, you sexy]

        wanna end up in some tiny bar
                in the middle of nowhere
                in the middle of summer
    want some poor bastard
to have my name tattooed in a heart on his shoulder

    wanna abuse my brain
        push me to my limits
            stayin’ up late
        rubbing elbows with strangers

doing things worth
talkin’ about

                            never say no to any opportunity
                    recite the dictum: “Say yes to everything;
                            figure out how to pull it off
later.”

                wanna go broke, burn out
                        perhaps on film
                        maybe even on the big screen
                    out with a   flash
                    flesh inked to the marrow
                        unfit for the red carpet

maybe not on camera
but branded into your brain
like a home-rolled cigarette
smoking hot at the lips of
Lily of the Alley

    wanna see it all!
            drop my mark on every major
                spot on the map

wanna get people moving--

                call myself an artist
                or nothing at all.

        get up and get out of here
        sleep at the wheel and
            go crazy for a while

Maybe everything happens for a reason
but when Free Bird wan’ go home
she strolls ‘round back of the Motel 6
to the Chateau Cheverolet
and sleeps away the morning.

 

Be careful what you wish for, they told me.
Be careful what you’re dreaming late at night, alone.

with your head wrapped in sugarcane, cocaine, morphine and caffeine flowing through tired-out bones
and you remember your tuckered-out homes with your
bought-out homies
your cried-out mothers
your discount misters; and sisters and
brothers who didn’t quite know down from up on any given day except Monday?

hoodlums
street rats
but not really, ‘cause you were on the south side of the same town as me
and we all knew that the North was a place you didn’t wanna go

but you remember this relentless desire to
escape
just the way I do, now -- it’s a thing that we ignored for
the longest time but came to realize wasn’t quite criminal.

head wrapped in sugarcane, caffeine stiffening my veins
I came to the conclusion that it’s okay not to be okay with
here.

although I don’t think I’ll ever get over my fear of inadequacy, something tells me that my incompetence will not wrest me from
the distant grasp of maybe-successes

[or maybe I’m destined for failure but I shan’t let that concept of pretend knowledge guide me away from where I’m going, wherever that is.]

staring at photos of my eldest sister
she who has completed the way, the easiest way
and has done so not necessarily in the lap of luxury but instead on the heels of comfort with some deeply defaming method of grace

               leaving on a jet plane
               don’t know when I’ll be back again

I remember when it was so easy to be disconnected
but no, not really

‘cause my homies and I were tight from the beginning
… --never mind, that’s not quite me

But still, I sit and wonder
late at night
when no one else is home or awake, with gentle pianissimos of giant concertos
humming me quietly to should-be, would-be rest from which I remain wrested
(when you’re most alone, you’re most tested.)